Jesus Isn’t Your Boyfriend

2021 was undoubtedly the year of the most change I have ever experienced. In November 2020, I met my (now) husband. In the year that followed I experienced a proposal, wedding planning, getting married, honeymooning, settling into married life (still am), selling and buying a house, moving into and making a home with my husband, and all the little nuances and big changes that come about with the start of a completely new life.

When I sat down to think about how to paint a picture for the kind of changes I was experiencing, I came up with this visual:

Imagine you and your spouse permanently move not just to a new country, but to a completely new, unbelievably beautiful planet. You’re there so you can start a new job, enroll full-time in school, and kick-off your side hustle passion project all at once. Not to mention, you’re eager to explore and delight in the new world around you. However, neither of you are familiar with the territory you just landed on, you certainly don’t speak the language, you don’t know the culture, and you have no idea how to navigate the landscape.

That is pretty much what it feels like to step onto the lifetime planet called Marriage.

As I wrote all this out, I realized—no wonder as a single girl I always felt abandoned by my newly married girlfriends. They had a lot going on!

All year I wondered when I’d be ready to sit down and write about these changes and what the Lord has done. The thing is, when I’m going through massive change, I simply can’t write about it in that moment. It’s not until I’ve had some time to process that I can truly figure out where I’m at, how I feel and what I want to say.

That process began on December 18th.

I was walking through Lowes with my husband Sam when suddenly, a friend of mine randomly popped in my head. She’s a woman in her early thirties, truly drop-dead gorgeous, a brilliant professional, sold out for Jesus, and single. I learned years ago that when you think of someone, you don’t stop at just thinking— you pray. So, I texted her to let her know I had been thinking about her and to ask how I could be praying for her.

In her response, (with her permission), she shared,

“I have just been praying for this season of waiting for a husband. It has begun to feel super long and just praying that the Lord would bring him soon! I know you get it and have been there before! But it has just been such a deep desire of my heart lately!”

Though it wasn’t unexpected to hear her say that, for some reason her words clung to me. Walking behind my own husband as he shuffled through the aisles, I began to meditate on that word, “husband.” I thought to myself,  

“We all long for a husband. Deep, true longing and yearning is found in this unquenchable desire. It’s a pain unlike any other kind of pain— the desire for this husband we do not have.”

A few moments later, as I sat with that thought, this came up in my heart too:

“But Jesus is the greatest, truest husband any of us could ever have. Jesus is the husband we deeply long for.”

It didn’t do much for me in that moment, but I let those thoughts quietly sit on my heart as I tucked away her text and prayed over my sweet friend. Nothing much came of them until they bubbled back up again on the evening of Christmas Day.

I volunteered to take my sister-in-law’s puppy on a walk while everyone played games. It was after dark; the streets were quiet, and the sky was clear. It was a sweet time for me to just talk to the Lord. As I walked, I reflected on the last year, and I told him what I was believing for in the new year.

When I got back from my walk, a song I grew up listening to suddenly popped into my head. It’s a Christmas song by Celine Dion titled, Another Year Has Gone By.

Alone in my mind I started to sing the lyrics:

Another year has gone by

And I’m still the one by your side

After everything that’s gone by

There’s still no one saying goodbye

Though another year has gone by.

In slow waves I began to see how these words meant for a lover have been true, my whole life, of Jesus. The words that had been spoken to me as I walked around Lowes with my husband now had a clear picture attached to them, and I saw with bright eyes of understanding what I knew was true:

Jesus isn’t some cosmic, distant boyfriend or some absent, otherworldly being. Jesus is the greatest, truest Husband. He is our ultimate Lover. He is our dearest Friend. All of what we desire in the warmth and love of an earthly husband has been forever found in the sacrifice and embrace of our Savior. The Lord was showing me how deeply we all long for what we’ve long already had.

A few moments later, I sang the next verse:

I’ve never been much for occasions

But you never let a birthday go by

Without announcing how much you love me

But the truth was always there

Right there in your eyes.

The tears started streaming down my face as God sweetly spoke to my heart.

He’s never let a birthday, an hour, a minute or a moment go by without whole-heartedly proclaiming his love for me. Both in sweet, quiet whispers through my tear-soaked pillows and in loud, thundering cries on that blood-soaked cross, Jesus has been infinitely announcing his love for me.    

The one we all long for more deeply than we know how to express, is the same one who has walked hand in hand with us all our life. In singleness and in marriage, in love or in longing, he is the greatest husband you could ever have.

I’m still the one by your side

After everything that’s gone by.

“Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready.”

 Revelation 19:7